he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
