idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
