we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
