i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
