I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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