So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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