hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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