Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Need sex. Gaining weight.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
