She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
