so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
