I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
