wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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