I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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