the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
