Already got asked if we're dating
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
