her vagine was all disorganized.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
