i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
