I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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