She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Randomize
