if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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