giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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