Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
