I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
