I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
