my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
