I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
