I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
