Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I fill condoms, not promises.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
