# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize