This girl is more easily done than said...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
As shirtless as possible
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
