Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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