Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
