just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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