Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
