I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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