omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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