Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
