Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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