Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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