It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
