yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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