Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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