I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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