reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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