How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
