I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
