grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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