put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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