Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Randomize
