u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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