when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
