i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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