Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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